Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
