I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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