so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
