I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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