im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
