Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
