I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
