No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
