I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
