My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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