Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
