btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
