I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i need some magic done to my vagina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
