my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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