i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
