There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
