its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
