there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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