So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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