i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
