First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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