I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've blown a few things in my day
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
These tits shall not be calmed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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