Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
