Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
