You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
