we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
