She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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