totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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