his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
