Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
