Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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