I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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