He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
