I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
