Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize