i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
