yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
