This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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