would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
zippers are such a cool invention
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
