just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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