I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize