so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
