Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Panties = found
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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