I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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