Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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