I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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