True but thats because hes a fetus.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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