i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
