Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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