in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
