He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
