currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
