i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
