i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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