unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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