Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
