Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
