I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
