Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
