dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
