I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
