Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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