My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
