I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
sex in a hospital.. check
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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