I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
