your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
