I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize