I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
