Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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