Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
