I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
